Weird Pets

Their origins may have been functional (hunting, protection, pest control), but that's mostly not why people have pets anymore. We have pets because they are adorable and floofy and loving, or pretty to look at, or give our lives a sense of purpose through giving. These pets may have some other utility, but that's not what this is about. These pets are about serving other kinds of emotional needs.

#5, #6, and #7 Courtesy of Mike from Sheep and Sorcery.

1. Charred-black tentacular nudibranchs that come in various neon patterns. They evoke a feeling like horror movie catharsis, but are not otherwise capable of causing much harm.
   
   
2. These slow and dimwitted creatures look like a cross between a lizard and a sloth but are most closely related to lemurs. They evoke a sense of social repugnance and schadenfreude. Quietly, they have become a trendy pet.
   
   
3. Their bowling pin shape and blubbery blowup doll bodies make these Killer Klown-looking creatures immune to blunt damage and indifferent to being used as punching bags. In fact, they seem to like it (or at least that's what scientists think the giggling is about). Even most vegans approve of using these weirdos to let out a little steam.
   
   
4. Colloquially referred to as "Ant Bonobos", this unclassified thing that might be a slime mold extrudes itself into units that look like bonobos with ant parts. The colony behaves like a variation of the Game of Life algorithm, appearing remarkably like a simulation of human civilization. Despite whatever violence appears to ensue, it's all one colony and there's no reason to suspect it has self awareness or general intelligence as we think of it. Many find watching the colony slowly develop, sometimes destroy itself, and then start over, to be meditative or provide a feeling of existential contentment.
   
   
5. Pet Men: Prisoners memetically and mentally altered with futuristic technology. All other humans naturally treat them more like dogs than human beings, including being willing to euthanize them rather than giving life-saving medical care. They are fully sentient internally, but unable to act in any way outside of the norms for an obedient hound.
   
   
6. Rock Pet: While observed, this creature is nothing more than an inanimate rock. No amount of observation or scans reveal them as anything more than just rocks. However, the moment they are unobserved, they can move at astonishing speeds. They are totally harmless, eat normal food, and can even have little Rock Pet babies that just kind of magically appear next to them to make sure humans don't mistake them for ordinary pebbles. Basically a weeping angel pet rock but utterly harmless.
   
   
7. Jeff: Jeff is a professional pet. It's not a sex thing. Really it's not. He drives no erotic pleasure from it at all. The guy just doesn't mind being treated like a household pet and enjoys the benefits of free housing and food. He is very low maintenance seeing as he will use your toilet and can feed himself just fine if left to it. Actually his scallop risotto is delightful.