Quite a while back, I wrote an article for high level games, a "Halloween special", nominally about making monsters that are substantive, where the monster is designed so as to be an adventure unto itself. It was also about building an adventure that fit the underlying themes of Halloween, without the usual Halloween tropes such as pumpkins, vampires, and ghosts.
I want to do something like that here, as well. I haven't felt very much in the Halloween spirit this year, I think for obvious reasons. I want to build something that is a different kind of horror, something decidedly unthematic to Halloween, like an anti-Halloween.
As much as I was not really a fan of the movie Midsommar, I appreciated the way it attempted to do horror in a superficially different way- in mid-summer, in the sun. This idea has that in common, and hopefully not much else.
I had wanted to finish this before Halloween and that didn't happen, and I realize I haven't posted in a while. I have some stuff I'm working on, and also I've just been busy with work stuff. Let's call this Chapter 1, hopefully I get back to it and get to the juicy parts. But anyway, hopefully, I'll be posting some more substantive stuff soon!
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The seasons have been getting shorter, haven't they? Or most of them, anyway. Here we are, late into the Fall, and it still feels like Summer. I walk along the beach, my light jacket awkwardly wedged up my armpit, phone in hand and carrying a bag of sundries in the other. I feel my skin burning in real-time. I am aware that my body is in quarantine, killing itself from the outside to protect what's within. A nagging itch.
From where I stand, I can see the cathedral around the bend and up the hill. It looks like the science fantasy genetically engineered super-baby of Michelangelo and Steve Jobs. I'm more of an android guy. But I have to admit, it's a compelling look. It does this thing- I don't really know how to describe it, it's like, a rainbow shadow, in three dimensions. Not like a hologram, it's like a four-dimensional light shines down on it. The software is open-source, but it's a bit beyond me. And I can't exactly afford the hardware anyway.
I'm only walking along the beach because I was laid off. I should be looking for a job right now. Or working on some personal project, or developing my skills. But it's so nice out, and it's only a matter of time before it starts to get cold. It's the Fall. It'll be cold any day now.
I'm always surprised how many other people walk around during the day like this, just enjoying the weather; the warmth, and the sun shining brightly. Are they all unemployed too? They look happy though. Maybe that's what they've resigned themselves to. Maybe they think it'll just work itself out.
I'm not exactly a church guy, but the cathedral is different. I don't think they're even associated with any church. Maybe they're Mormon. Anyway, they have AC, and I heard The Indigo Saint was giving a talk. He's an interesting guy. Really changed how I look at things. Guy used to be a software engineer, had a near-death experience, came back with some really out-there ideas. I know it sounds like a cliche, but, well, just look at that "shadow".
By the time I get there I'm drenched in sweat, and I'm pink and red like a pig. I smell like one too. And I've got that itch, no, not that friendly smack on the back of my neck from Mr. Sunshine, the other one. The salts in my sweat building up, scraping inside my ass cheeks with each stride, moist and chafed at the same time. I never understood why people call it swamp butt, it's more like wet sand. Or is that just me?
All the women who work at the cathedral are gorgeous and friendly. Genuinely friendly. You'd think you're at a strip club. I know you're not supposed to say those kinds of things anymore, but ever since I started listening to The Indigo Saint, I've learned to be a little more honest with myself, even the uncomfortable parts. So it is what it is, I'm unemployed, I'm anxious, I'm hot and sweaty, and here they've got AC and everything here is beautiful. Besides me and the other schlubs. Gotta be honest, right?
You'd think with a name like The Indigo Saint he'd look all hipster, avant-garde, artiste, or something like that. He wears pastels and metallics, but really, he looks more like an Abercrombie and Fitch model, like the sleeker new version of Dolph Lundgren for the modern era. Even with the rosegold five o'clock shadow over his wide jawline, you can see the definition of his perfect, high cheekbones.
He's got one of those smiles. Light, warm. Confident, purposeful. Like the first man to wield fire and he's just waiting to show you. So when he rises to the podium, we all shut the fuck up, immediately. And he just goes. Like spitfire. He enunciates- it's like synesthesia, like the words beam out of his mouth, different colors for different purposes, like a rainbow. Amateurs talk about reality being a simulation, but this guy's writing a holographic neural network that's going to simulate reality more efficiently and with higher resolution than reality itself. He's designing a new kind of metaphysics just to describe what his model is doing.
So I come out of the talk feeling like I can walk on water if I will myself to do it. But on my way down the hill I trip on a rock that must be invisible because I don't fucking see it, and anyway, then I remember that I never finished his tutorial repo, and I somehow got myself tangled up in a git commit knot that I can't get myself out of, and I decide, well, at least someone out there knows what he's doing. Maybe he'll figure it all out.
The sunburn is only getting worse, I should probably go home. My skin pulses, like it's laughing. Keep laughing while the sun warps you like an eldritch god, mutating you into some dumb unthinking, self-replicating fucking monster, while the immune system goes to town on you like a SWAT raid. You'd think evolution would have come up with a better solution than to just let half the body bumble around laughing while its world burns down around it because some trigger happy psychos would rather burn it down than try to fix it.
I've worked myself up over nothing, again, and decide to turn around. I've never stuck around after the talk. The crowd disperses, people go back into the sunshine, it's just what you do. So I figure, I dunno, what's it like there when they're just going about their normal business. Maybe I can see if they're hiring. I mean, I am a software engineer, and The Indigo Saint can't be doing all of this alone. I don't really want to go home yet, and... I just can't deal with the sun anymore.
I head back in, trying my best to feel confident, like I'm supposed to be here. I'm not not supposed to be here. Anyway, I just sit back in my seat and pull out my phone, and put on that sort of look, like I'm waiting for something, like this is just some plan gone awry and that's why I'm back and just sitting here, and please leave me the fuck alone. I hear some music in the background, you'd think it would be church organs, gregorian chants, or maybe, this place being what it is, something more like muzak or lounge, or some basic pop. But it's more like an ice cream truck or carnival jingle. One of those ones that's nostalgic, but also kind of depressing. There's probably a German word for what I'm talking about. Both unassuming and deeply moving. So I should probably go before I get swept up in whatever this is that I'm feeling now, I can feel myself spiraling down, I need to go home.
